Effective Tips for Handling Toddler Tantrums | Insights from a Mom of Three

“Tips for handling toddler tantrums”

Believe me, as a SAHM of three boys two of which have passed the toddler tantrum age I can write a whole book on this topic. Even now while writing this blog I am having a really bad headache and a very difficult day with my kids. It’s all part of parenting. Being a parent, especially a mother is a really TOUGH JOB!

However, one thing that I read somewhere that convinced me was that if your toddler makes tantrums then you should be happy because

HE IS COMPLETELY NORMAL

Toddler tantrums are a normal part of child development. As a parent what you should know is try to deal with them and understand your child’s behavior. DO NOT CONSIDER TANTRUMS AS MISBEHAVIOR!

In this blog, I will share some effective and practical strategies for parents to manage their toddler’s tantrums effectively and constructively.

 Understanding the Reasons Behind Tantrums

Be it any behavior it is important to understand and identify the main reason behind it. Even as adults we sometimes fail to understand why someone is acting strange or misbehaving instead of trying to figure out the reason behind this behavior. Toddlers have a limited emotional regulation. As they are passing through their developmental phase they will definitely experience changes in their mood and behavior. Parents sometimes view these changes as tantrums.

Here is a list of some common triggers that lead to toddler tantrums. Before knowing the tips for handling toddler tantrums it is better to understand what causes them actually.

• Hunger and fatigue.

I have mentioned several times in my blogs that my middle child was (and still is) the most difficult child of mine. My personal observation and experience is that we parents also mature and learn with the passage of time. Same is the case of me and my middle child. 

He would sometimes cry for hours and I couldn’t figure out what was bothering him. For almost 2.5 years he couldn’t sleep through the night. The reason was that he has been a stubborn child throughout. He would refuse to eat with my hand and couldn’t eat well himself. So what kept him restless and crying was actually hunger.

Also I observed that whenever he was tired he would act strange and weird. Little things would trigger him and lead to tantrums. Even now my eldest one who is 8 years old would act weird when he is tired. He would act extra sensitive and start mumbling.

• Frustration over communication barriers.

Yes! Try experiencing this yourself. When you are unable to communicate well to someone you will become as frustrated as a toddler. The same is the case with kids. Kids with speech delays often exhibit tantrums when they are not able to communicate properly.

Again my middle one has been through speech delay. He would become frustrated when Google wouldn’t play the game he is instructing. Whenever he is asking for something and I couldn;t understand what he is trying to say, he would get triggered.

• Desire for independence.

Toddlers just like every individual have a desire for independence. Of Course nobody wants to remain in control or be directed every time. But you can never leave your toddler unsupervised. To deal with this issue you can arrange toddler friendly activities. Such activities will encourage toddler independence and reduce the tendency for toddler tantrums.

When toddlers don’t get the desired independence they throw tantrums. Make sure to make your home toddler friendly so that they don’t get hurt during such activities. Give them clear directions and supervise them periodically. This could be one of tips for handling toddler tantrums as well.

• Changes in routine.

This is my personal observation that a change in routine triggers toddler tantrums. I will give you one example. When my eldest was in the toddler stage he and I went out of the city to visit some friendly friends. Although my son was potty trained at that time he refused to do potty there. He was so used to his own routine and bathroom that he couldn’t do it somewhere else. This resulted in him pooping in his pants and that made my visit miserable.

Also when kids have a disturbed sleep routine they will throw tantrums, How can I not mention car sleep that  most often results in sleepless nights later.

 Prevention Strategies to Reduce Tantrums

You can never separate toddler tantrums from a toddler. As mentioned before toddler tantrums are part of their development. However, following certain prevention strategies or tips for handling toddler tantrums can help in constructive management. Here are some tips for handling toddler tantrums:

Consistent Routine

If your toddler gets disturbed by slight disruption in routine then make sure to maintain a healthy and consistent routine. As a mother my peace of mind and comfort is very dear to me so I make sure there are no deviations in my kid’s routine. Believe me you have to sacrifice a lot as a parent.

Planned Meals and Naps

This strategy is again part of the consistent routine phase. You have to stay ahead of your child’s hunger and fatigue. Plan their meals. I have myself maintained a really tough planned meal routine for my kids. It starts from breakfast to something between lunch, then snacks, dinner and two time complimentary milk sessions as well for all three of my boys.

Same goes with naps. An afternoon nap is mandatory. However it depends upon your kids. My eldest never sleeps in the afternoon but my youngest and middle one can never skip their afternoon nap.

Offer Choices

This strategy works a lot. I often present my kids with choices. You can either have this toy or that one…

You can either buy this shirt or that one..

Also, you have to choose between doing your homework and no screen time.

Giving them healthy choices would give them a certain independence in making their life choices.

Avoid Triggers

As a parent especially mother you know what triggers tantrums in your kids. So try avoiding them. For example some kids get overstimulated by overcrowded places so avoid going their.Loud noise can be another triggering stimulus. My eldest used to be very sensitive to loud noise and over crowded places. With the passage of time he got used to it and stopped overreacting. I personally believe going to school and social interactions brought a lot of improvement in his behaviour.

Techniques for Managing Tantrums in the Moment

Being a parent is a tough job!

I repeat it again and again because I experience this daily. However, you can manage your toddler tantrums effectively by controlled reactions. Here are some techniques for managing toddler tantrums in the moment:

• Stay Calm and Model Emotional Regulation: 

What’s the most difficult task for a parent?

Keep your cool and control yourself when the situation is getting worse. You have to maintain your patience. There are moments when you feel like losing self control but you have to act calm. You need to have very strong nerves as a parent.

• Validate the Toddler’s Feelings:

  Make your child feel that you understand and realize their emotions and feelings. Toddlers throw tantrums because they believe that they are not being understood well by their parents. If you will make them feel understood you can minimize the toddler tantrum behavior.

• Redirect Attention: 

Distractions work a lot. I will give you an example this morning. My middle son was continuously throwing tantrums (although he is not a toddler). So I distracted him. I asked him to go on the terrace and cut the yellow flowers that are almost dry . I gave him a scissor to cut the spoiled flowers and a shopping bag to put them in. It worked. He got distracted and his mood became better.

• Set Clear Boundaries:

 This sounds difficult but it is possible.This is a slow process. Kids need time to understand the boundary setting phenomenon. However among the tips for handling toddler tantrums this one is more effective in my viewpoint.

Tell your kids that they need not shout to be heard. You have to teach this through actions. My eldest son often forgot his stationery at school. So I told him that next time he forgets his stationery I will use his pocket money to buy more.

This made him take care of his things more as his pocket money is very dear to him and he loves collecting money. Cherry on the top is that he understands the value for money.

 Conclusion

I hope this blog and the tips for handling toddler tantrums have made you realize that tantrums are temporary and can be managed effectively and constructively. As a parent you can handle tantrums in a better way if you consider them as teaching moments and not just challenges. As a parent I would recommend you to try all the strategies and choose the one that best works for our child.

In the comment section please share how you effectively manage your toddler tantrums?