A mother doing gentle parenting

WHAT IS GENTLE PARENTING? WHY GENTLE PARENTING IS BAD

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Introduction:

You know what is the most common question all parents ask themselves?

ARE WE RAISING THE KIDS THE RIGHT WAY?

Another common question among parents is : 

WHAT IS THE RIGHT PARENTING STYLE?

The answer most get from others is GENTLE PARENTING

If you ask me I would say children are humans and not products. You cannot experiment with them. I have three boys, each different from others from the day I conceived him.

I am a strict parent sometimes.

While I am the most gentle most of the time..

It depends upon the situation. 

The debate about gentle parenting is in trend these days. I thought why not research and write about it. This blog explains the concept of gentle Parenting. It explores the perception of why gentle parenting is bad for children.

A child holding her parents hands and walking

Gentle Parenting Definition

EMPATHY, RESPECT AND UNDERSTANDING

These are the three pillars of gentle parenting. This parenting style allows parents to act as coaches and not authoritarian figures. It allows the kids to understand their emotions through self-awareness. There is no room for scolding and punishment and case of gentle parenting.

Harper Wave explains gentle parenting in her book “Brain-Body-Parenting” really well. She highlights the point that lack of resources sometimes cause parents to do and say things which they regret later.

I can feel her words 

I myself regret a lot of times.  Sometimes I am too tired or feeling overwhelmed and my kids don;t give me time to even breathe. Out of frustration I do say words which I should not.

I am a human being also after all

This is what gentle parenting advocates:

PARENTS SHOULD HAVE CONTROL OVER THEIR EMOTIONS

THEY SHOULD NEVER LOSE THEIR COOL.

Gentle Parenting Discipline

Gentle parenting is a collaborative style of parenting. Teaching discipline is difficult. It is because most of the time children are not ready to even listen. What world in this situation is teaching discipline to children in a respective manner.

Yes

Respect is what you should never let go of as a parent. The most effective way to teach discipline to children in gentle parenting is through your actions. My middle one is a very disciplined child. He learns this from his grandfather. Also he is a very keen observer. He observes how his grandfather does all his chores himself. Imagine a four-year-old doing everything on his own from taking a bath to getting ready for school. 

Let’s have a look at some strategies to enforce gentle parenting discipline:

Positive Reinforcement:

Appreciation and motivation are very important. Whenever your child does something good, appreciate him or her as much as you can. I have used this strategy with my middle son. He has been a very cranky child. I observed that whenever I appreciate him he responds to me very positively.

Maybe he gets the acknowledgement to practice positive behaviour more often.

Stay Calm and Composed:

Patience is the key

Parenting and patience go hand in hand

Do not make parenting and teaching discipline a power struggle

The more calm and composed you stay the more positive impact you will have on your child’s behavior. Remember your child is learning more from your actions and reactions.

Careful Selection of Words:

It is better to be careful with your selection of words than to regret later. Try to use positive words in your conversations with your children. Avoid using words that will de-motivate them.

Do not use blaming words

I am late because of you

You Lazy etc

Why is Gentle Parenting Bad?

Gentle Parenting is bad if not done in a consistent manner. Also, it might cause your children to take advantage of you in certain situations. For example, your children might show tantrums in public places and gatherings because they know you are going to do nothing but be gentle.

If you choose GP as your permanent parenting style then remember it’s not going to be easy. Patience, persistence and consistency is mandatory. If you fail to follow these three then your child might not be able to regulate emotions properly.

Instead of reinforcing good behaviour, you might reinforce poor behaviour.

Another important fact that goes against the advocacy of GP is the negative impact on parents’ mental health. Teaching patience is easy but practicing it is hard. We all have our bad days. I myself become very vulnerable when my periods are near. There is a huge possibility of losing control when you are already pissed off.

Another important fact that you should know as a parent is that there is no scientific advocacy behind the GP concept.

A stressed mother

Gentle Parenting vs Permissive Parenting

You should never confuse gentle parenting with permissible parenting. Both are different. Let’s have a look at the main differences between the two concepts:

Gentle ParentingPermissible Parenting
The teaching tool in gentle parenting is discipline and not punishment.Permissible parenting avoids discipline.
GP emphasizes open communication and understanding.Permissible parenting enforces a laid-back and self-directed atmosphere.
The boundaries between children and their parents are clear.The boundaries between parents and children are either vague or not present.

My Two Cents

Gentle parenting is a good approach. It has a lot of positive characteristics that we should follow in our parenting styles. However, I would say it has some gaps in it. Sometimes you do need to teach your kids who is the daddy or mommy. 

What do I do as a parent?

I recall the situations that had a negative impact on my personality or behaviour or which I disliked as a child. For example, being insulted in front of my friends or siblings. So I try my best not to repeat the same behavior with my kids.

We all try our best to become the best parents to our kids. I really hope we all succeed in raising good human beings.

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