I have three boys and I know how it feels raising a sensitive boy. I believe all three of them are sensitive. Of Course, have you seen a child who is not sensitive? I belong to the Asian culture. Asian culture has typical gender roles.
BOYS ARE NOT ALLOWED TO CRY OR BE SENSITIVE
This is where it is wrong. Parents should know and understand that boys are as sensitive as girls are. They need to cry as well to get their emotions out. They need to learn emotional regulation as well.
This blog is my perspective and experience of raising a sensitive boy. Out of the three my eldest is the most sensitive of all.
Characteristics of a Sensitive Boy
This blog “lovely mommy” has made me learn a lot other than my own parenting experience of 8 years almost. As I said before my eldest one is the most sensitive of all three. These are the characteristics that make me feel that he is a sensitive boy:
Overstimulation:
Sensitive boys are overstimulated. It is because they try to process a lot of new information at the same time. They get easily affected by whatever is going on in their internal and external environment.
My son for example reaches extreme conclusions really fast. If in case he sees his parents having an argument he would imagine us getting a divorce. We both realized that as a child he is very sensitive to whatever is happening around him. So we made him learn that it’s ok to have an argument that ARGUMENTS NOT RESULT IN DIVORCES SO EASILY.
Always Questioning:
Don’t ask
My son always has a trillion questions to ask about anything. The second one certainly doesn’t care whereas he would have a deep inquiry about everything. Literally sometimes he leaves me speechless.
This is a major characteristic of sensitive boys. They ask you a lot of questions.
Emotionally Reactive:
A sensitive boy will be very emotionally reactive. Let me give you my example again. Once I was watching a video of a child crying for his dead mother. I didn’t realize when my son came behind me . Believe me he just had a glance at the video. Few minutes later I saw him in tears.
When I asked him what happened he told me that he was crying for the boy who lost his mother. He asked me “who will take care of the boy, no Mama?”
I know very well that had it been my middle child he wouldn’t have even cared. This is what separates a sensitive boy from the rest of the children.
Perfectionism and Picky:
You will observe that a sensitive boy is a perfectionist. Although both my elder sons are perfectionists, the elder one is more picky as well. I remember until 5 years of age he would like his shoe laces tied in a specific pattern. Any slight change in the know would bother him so much that would create havoc out of it.
Also he has been a picky eater ever since he was born. For the past 4 years his favorite breakfast is jam and toast. All he loves to eat is a chapati with meat and broth. I am not an advocate of forced feeding but only I know how much effort it has taken to take him even this far.
How to Deal with a Sensitive Boy
In this section I will introduce some strategies for dealing with a highly sensitive boy. Let’s have a look at some of them.
Reinforce Strengths of a Sensitive Boy:
Not just in case of a sensitive boy this factor is important in case of all children. During my graduation this point was the one that was paid most attention i.e reinforcement of strengths. Appraise them on the skills and characteristics they are good at. My son is very good at reading. He is also extremely good at sports and other physical activities.
So what me and my husband try to do is to take them to parks and evening walks. We ask him what is written on the billboard. He is always presented with the menu in a restaurant. I myself have never been a good reader so now I am working on strengthening his reading ability by buying him some good readers.
Don’t Shame Them:
The worst thing you can do as a parent to your child is shame and it’s even worse when you shame them in front of their friends.
NEVER SHAME A SENSITIVE BOY
If your son is a sensitive boy he will remember this shame as long as he can. Later in life these feelings might assume the shape of a grudge for you. Therefore never shame your child. It is always better to discuss the problem later. This will improve communication between you and your kids.
Teach them That Boy’s Can Cry:
BOYS DON’T CRY
THIS IS WRONG
BOYS CAN CRY
Tell you boys that it’s okay to cry if they feel like crying. I really don’t understand why our society assumes the role of men to always be strong. Men can be emotionally weak and sensitive as well.
Your sensitive boy needs to learn emotional regulation as well.
No Issue is a BIG Issue:
I have observed that my 7 years old cries on petty issues. He doesn’t like the shape of the crackers he cries..
He roti is not crunchy as per his requirements he cries…
He forgot his water bottle in the class and he cried…
I mean there are so many incidents I can all recall where my other two sons wouldn’t even bother and he cried his heart out..
So always try to tell him that he should never cry for things…
These are just petty issues and it’s ok to forget..
It’s ok if didn’t do well in his tests. We will do more practice.
Don’t Punish Them:
This is the most important part of gentle parenting of which I am a strong advocate. I mean punishment is ever the solution to make children understand if they have done something wrong. As parents, our job is to understand the reason behind our child’s improper behavior. We shall talk to them and not punish them.
My Two Cents
As a mother of a sensitive boy I have realized that parenting is a tough job. Sometimes kids do give a very hard time. Being a parent is not easy. You have to assume many roles. A caregiver, a psychologist, a doctor etc. However, I would recommend always sorting out the reason behind your child’s behaviour. Discover the root case. Try to understand them. Your sensitive boy needs you the most …