Introduction
Disciplined and well-behaved children is a dream of every parent. But does being strict result in bringing well-mannered kids?
That is why I thought of writing a blog addressing the question:
WHY SHOULD PEOPLE NEVER CREATE STRICT KIDS?
The intent of this blog is to address the fact if strict parenting is useful in upbringing children or not. Let’s dive deep into the concept of strict parenting first and then address the consequences of it on children’s psychological and physical needs.
What is Strict Parenting?
Also known as authoritarian parenting the definition of strict parenting is quite obvious yet multi-dimensional. In simple words, the definition of strict parenting is:
EXPECTING TOO MUCH FROM YOUR KIDS
I personally believe that for my elder son I was more into the concept of authoritarian parenting. The reason is comparison!
I used to compare his achievement of milestones with other kids in my family and if he didn’t meet my standards and expectations I would become disappointed with him and more with myself.
I was wrong
Thank GOD soon I realized that each child is different. They have their own strengths and weaknesses. You are not raising robots, they are kids.
Let them be kids.
I used to set very rigid rules for him. If I wanted him to eat he had to eat. Whereas now I have realized that till a certain age you cannot programme kids. They need to grow up a little bit to understand the importance of schedule, routine and timetables.
Why Should People Never Create Strict Kids?
I strongly endorse the idea that people should never create strict kids.In this section, I will explain that
WHY SHOULD PEOPLE NEVER CREATE STRICT KIDS?
Strict parenting negatively impacts the physical and psychological health of children. From making them anxious to having low self esteem and depressed, strict parenting is not a good parenting style to endorse.
I mean kids should know that they have to listen to their parents. On the other hand parents should also set limits to their patience and temperament. They should know that on the other side are their kids and they should have compassion for them.
Impact on Child Development
- Low Self Esteem
Kids who experience strict parenting have low self-esteem. They do not socialize well. Also they are always hesitant in getting along with other kids. They have limited or no friend circle. Even when they grow up they don’t like mixing up with friends or going out on school college trips and getting togethers.
- Indecisiveness
Why should people never create strict kids?
Because they become indecisive in the future.
As a mum of three who has been living practical life for almost 11 years, my observation is that indecisiveness is a BIG WEAKNESS!
Yes it is
It is because not being able to make your own decisions and choices leaves you nowhere. Parents who raise strict kids usually do not give them the opportunity to decide or make choices for themselves. The result is that such kids remain indecisive throughout or most part of their lives. They always need someone to assure them of their choices and decisions.
- Less Social Life
This is in continuation of the part where I have mentioned about low self esteem. Children with strict parents always need their parents approval to make choices about their friends. The result is a limited or no social life. I personally believe that kids should have all types of experiences. Experiences are the result of social interactions. If your kids will not meet different people they will get stuck in their own routine. They will never have a good social life. Most importantly they will always hesitate in meeting new people and making friends.
- Rebellious Kids
When kids are young they will of course get suppressed by their parents. It is definitely easy to make them obey their parents commands. However, as they grow older they will become rebellious.
Why should people never create strict kids?
Because they raise rebellious children.
They will become more rebellious when they see that their parents always come in between them and their life choices. Children learn the most from their experiences. In fact we all learn from our experiences. So let them have their experiences and learn from them.
Strict Parenting’s Negative Impact on Children’s Psychology
- Anxiety
Anxiety is the main and the worst psychological consequence of strict parenting. Children raised by strict parents always feel anxious about making their own decisions. The main cause of anxiety among such kids is related to their academic performance.
This is my personal experience that whenever I put too much pressure on my son about a particular test preparation he becomes anxious. So I have changed my strategy. I make him practice. I make him learn that it’s ok if he doesn;t get good marks, He can always practice and improve later.
- Depression
Another consequence of the worst psychological impact is depression. I believe the major cause of depression among most adults and children these days is some sort of psychological trauma. Childhood trauma can be a major reason behind depression in both children and adults.
- Trauma
The worst form of strict parenting is when it becomes abusive. Especially when parents start giving strict and aggressive punishments to their kids. One such example is not letting kids have their lunch or dinner as part of punishment. Isolating them or giving them a silent treatment is also a form of abuse in my case. Especially when kids are very sensitive, these punishments can result in the form of traumas.
My Two Cents
Nobody is a saint. Sometimes you need to teach kids that you are the parent and they have to listen to you. However, there is a limit to everything. I don’t personally support the idea of strict parenting. Why should people not create strict kids? Because the pros are near to none and the cons are endless. Who would like to have a child with childhood traumas, low self-esteem and anxiety?
Probably none. Be gentle and kind. Your kids need your love and compassion.