How to deal with a narcissistic parent is important. It is because being a narcissist parent is the most toxic way to raise your kids. You must have heard a lot about a narcissistic partner but have your ever heard about a narcissist parent?
This blog explains the concept of a narcissist parent in detail. It also explains the best strategies on how to deal with a narcissist parent.
What is a Narcissist Parent
A narcissist parent is the one who is affected by the narcissist disorder. Be it the mother or the father a narcissist is a narcissist. What makes them narcissist is their children’s independence. As the children grow they become more independent. This is what threatens narcissist parents.
The Narcissist Personality Disorder is the problem which defines narcissist parents. They have the following characteristics:
- Little or no feelings of empathy for others
- A strong feeling of self-importance. They think that nothing is above and beyond them
- Sense of entitlement. They think that they have only rights and others have only duties
- Arrogant behaviour
Characteristics of a Narcissist Mother
A mother is the closest to her children. Unfortunately if you have a narcissist mother then I am sorry but your childhood is doomed. Let’s dive deep into the characteristics of a narcissist mother.
| Lack of boundaries | As a mother of three and been part of a joint family system for past 11 years what I have learnt so far is that boundaries are very important. Unfortunately the South Asian culture lacks boundaries to a great extent. However children need to learn from childhood the importance of privacy and boundaries. Narcissist mother would never understand it.Narcissit mothers often cross boundaries just for the sake if showing authority to their kids. |
| She Considers her Children as her Extension | This is the worst characteristic of a narcissist mother. I believe that siblings should be bonded with love. They should be emotionally connected.A narcissist mother manipulates siblings against each other. This is just part of the power game. It is just because she wants to remain the centre of attention. |
| Manipulates Siblings Against Each Other | Parents need to realize that their children are independent human beings with their own choices and feelings. A narcissist mother never considers her children independent. She considers them as her extension. She considers her child’s failure as her own and gets enraged it. She believes that her children are her .representatives and not her |
| Expect her Children to be Perfect | Although this trait might be considered quite normal in the majority of cultures it is not. Nobody is perfect. The same is the case with children. Every child is unique.Narcissist mothers expect perfection from their children. It is because they consider themselves perfect. |
Traits of a Narcissist Parent
In this section, we shall have a look at the traits of a narcissist parent. This portion is very important if you want to know how to deal with a narcissist parent? It is because how will you cure the disease if you don’t diagnose it well.
Favouritism:
Favouritism is the best game a narcissist parent will play. Basically, it is a way to manipulate their children. They will pick one child as their favourite. That one child is their “Golden Child”. The Golden Child will have all the privileges. He or she will always get preference over other children. His or hers choices will be encouraged.
Worst of all, the golden child will even be allowed to speak against and bad for the siblings.
The Blame Game:
Narcissists parents always put the blame of their failures on their children, Consider for example the case of a mum who left her career for her kids. If she is narcissist she will always blame her kids for not excelling in her career. Did the kids ask her to bring them into this world?
People especially parents should set their priorities right. Different things have different importance in various parts of life. You just have to balance everything right. Blaming your kids for your failures is not right.
They Think they Own their Kids:
A narcissist parent thinks that his kids are his property. If he or she has taken care of the kids in their childhood then the kids now owe him. They HAVE to care for him or her.
Although children should always be caring and respectful to their parents parents should know that kids are not their property. Being manipulative is not the solution.
Fail to Understand the Emotional Needs of Children:
This is related to being less empathetic as a Narcissist parent. A narcissist parent does not emotionally identify with his or her kids. They fail to understand the feelings of their children and remain emotionally unavailable to them.
Whats even worst is that they priortize their needs over the needs of their children.
Can Narcissist Parents Cause Disorder
Abusive and disturbed childhood leads to psychological issues in later life. Children with narcissist parents often develop disorders in their adulthood. Let’s have a look at some of them.
Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD):
Children who are raised by narcissist parents often develop anxiety, depression and even PTSD. Unfortunately, parenting has a trickle-down impact on kids. Whatever you instil in your kids gets transferred. If you instil love and respect you basically transfer these to generations.
On the other hand, if you are a narcissist parent you transfer mental health disorders and childhood trauma to generations.
Children Become Narcissist Parents:
As I said before parenting has a trickle-down impact. Children learn what they experience and see. So kids who had narcissist parents have more probability of becoming narcissist parents themselves.
Some of them might want to refrain from treating their kids as they were treated but still, they might have few signs of narcissism similar to their parents. The irony is that they wouldn’t see anything wrong in this behaviour because this is the way they were treated so why shouldn’t they treat their kids the same way?
Children Become People Pleasers:
Kids who have been raised by narcissist parents have spent their whole childhood in pleasing their parents. They think that being a pleaser is the only way they can survive in the world.
THIS IS WRONG
We all know this is wrong because you can never please others. However, narcissistic parents have instilled this belief in them that the right way of living in this world is by pleasing others.
How to Deal with a Narcissist Parent
So finally we have arrived at the solution
HOW TO DEAL WITH A NARCISSIST PARENT?
After reading the whole blog if you now know that you are either living with a narcissist parent or YOU are a narcissist parent yourself self than its time to know the remedies.
I believe that the best thing to live a balanced life is to devise a strategy for every challenge you face.
Living with a narcissist parent is just one of them. So here are a few remedies on how to deal with a narcissist parent:
Repair your Relationship:
So fi you know that you are living with a narcissist parent then first of all YOU CAN NEVER CHANGE THEM!
So what you should do is work on your relationship. Try making your parent-child relationship better. Repair it. Don’t make it worse,
Accept the way your parent is and try to maintain a healthy relationship.
Maintain Healthy Boundaries:
If you know you are living with narcissist parents then you know that they do not respect boundaries. Make them realize that yo DO RESPECT BOUNDARIES!
Don;t be harsh or strict with them . Just let them realize and know that they need to respect your privacy.
Patience is the Key:
Among all the strategies in how to deal with a narcissist parent, this one is the best. Patience is the key in every relationship.
I have mentioned this everywhere in my blog. In this case, if you are a child then remember you can maintain a healthy relationship with your narcissist parent by remaining calm and patient.
Make sure that you don’t become aggressive and give calculated responses to your parents. Be patient and try not to become too emotional even if it is an insult.
Communication:
Healthy communication can make your relationship better with your parents. Effective communication can clear a lot of misunderstandings. Sit with your parents and talk to them. Make them realize that your independence is not a threat to their existence. They are still important and loved.
My Two Cents
Living and dealing with a narcissist parent is not easy. But if you know the right way how to deal with a narcissist parent you can maintain a healthy parent-child relationship. Life will be better for you and your parents. Remember effective communication and patience is the best strategies to treat a narcissist parent.